I find my Alabama self in the California desert, yet again, hands up, eyes toward Heaven, my very eloquent prayer at the moment is pretty much…”Um, Ok, Now What” (said with much reverence).
I love to listen to Joyce Meyers’ sermons. I happened upon her audio book of “Battlefield of the Mind” years and years ago, listened to it in the car driving about hollering “Hallelujah” left and right! This was written for me, I’m sure. I have subsequently purchased the book and refer to parts of it at times. At this moment, one part of this seems particularly scientient. She refers to Moses and the Israelites wandering in the desert for 40 years. The analogy being that although God provided manna from Heaven , they were moaning and complaining about said Manna, they were allowed to basically wallow in the desert until they opened their eyes, took their hands off the wheel (“Let’s just go back to Egypt slash what I know even though it s u c k s (pardon my French) instead of trusting you) and followed God .I note a pang of recognition here
I find my Deep Southern self, with all that that entails, in Southern California. In my experience, this is a totally different culture/continent in every way. The food, eating habits, the fact that you CANNOT get a grocery bag for your groceries even though they still pay the kid to stand at the end of the checkout lane to watch you struggle with your cans (I digress), definitely driving habits. I am so loving the lack of weather here. I watch Dallas Raines (best name ever for a weatherman) daily tell us “beautiful, sunny, warm today” with his perfect teeth and perfect hair. I have finally learned to stop speaking to everyone that I meet and I try not to make eye contact. If I did this back home, I’d be smacked upside the head for being uppity. I’ve been told that people have a hard time understanding what I am saying and my sense of humor usually does not quite translate here.
I came here for work – I am/was an ICU RN. Sounds great, right I have seen places I could never have imagined, met fantastic, interesting, inspiring people. But..the transient nature of working this way necessitates a certain distance be maintained both personally and professionally. First, I am the outsider in every way. The onus is on me to figure out the culture of the area and in the hospital where I work and attempt to fit in – with very interesting results. We all know that I am only going to be here a short time and very few people take any time to get to know you or even worry about your assimilation. It’s the nature of the business. Luckily, I’ve been a nurse long enough that I have a set of tools and skills that enable me to drop in and do a good job. Thank God!I I control what I can in this lifestyle I’ve chosen that lacks standardization. For this reason, I have spent the last three years basically flying over areas, swooping down for a bit to sample the goodies and I leave, never seeing or pretty much hearing from those I met again. There are some really interesting folks that I have been blessed to call friends, but it’s different than home.
I’ve known for a while that it is time to change, but it felt safer to stay with what I know.-Finally, I’m ready to admit that I am actually powerless (read no control) over the situations and people in my life. Hmm. Not an easy thing, but I’ve been told that the sun will still rise, the earth will continue to orbit even if I don’t tell it to. Imagine that.
The new adventure is to stop spinning like a top, stand still and listen . I’m trying, really. I’m praying, looking everywhere for the burning bush. Most likely, it’s right in front of me. There is still l so much to discover personally, professionally. Travel is mandatory. That being said, I’m ready to wade into the next abyss, the waves have parted, God is holding my hand and I think I see green pastures up ahead. NAMASTA Y’all and #ROLLL TIDE!